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Issue: 8.2: Spring 2010
Guest Edited by Megan Sullivan, Tanya Krupat and Venezia Michalsen
Children of Incarcerated Parents

Clarissa's Disappointment: An Excerpt

Megan Sullivan

Synopsis: Clarissa's Disappointment begins when Clarissa Pettaway and her mother pick up their father from prison. Although he has been away for five years, he is finally returning home, and Clarissa couldn't be happier. While the family is loving, and Mr. Pettaway tries to do the right thing, reentry is hard for everybody. Unable to find a job, Mr. Pettaway begins to drink, and after an argument with Mrs. Pettaway, he moves in with his parents. Clarissa is confused and disappointed; for years she has dreamt of her father's homecoming, and now again he leaves. Smart and proud, Clarissa tries to be brave. She and her mother resume their routines, and Clarissa sees her father every weekend. Yet, she cannot help but feel sad and even angry. Although she has always done well in school, a particularly irritating classmate starts to bother Clarissa. When Clarissa's anger rises to the surface, her teacher, principal, and mother meet.

Possible uses: Clarissa's Disappointment can be read by all children, though it is particularly geared toward 8-12 year olds. It would be appropriate for a school library, a family's home, or a counselor or minister's office. Reading the book may help children better understand how difficult the reentry process is for families, and it will reassure them that they are not alone. The book ends with Clarissa's family attending a community group for families of the incarcerated. While it is not clear if Clarissa's parents will 'get back together,' it is clear that as a family, they will always do what's best for Clarissa. Finally, when Clarissa is encouraged first by her teacher and then by a mentor at the community program to write in her diary, she is demonstrating how the act of writing can help clarify one's feelings.

Excerpts from four chapters of Clarissa's Disappointment follow.


Chapter Nine: The Fight

Mamma and I continue with our new routines, and I almost believe it isn't my fault that Dad moved out. Almost. School has gotten better too. I try to stay away from Nora, and Chantel and I and a new girl named Sui Wee have become friends. We don't visit each other's apartments like some girls do, but we are together almost all the time in school. Sometimes, during recess, we take our books outside and read, but today we are playing Double Dutch in the corner of the schoolyard. It is my turn, so I am jumping and counting when Nora and her crowd come over. I say crowd, but it's really just Nora and Jasmine and Sonya.

"No reading today, girls?" Nora asks, and Jasmine and Sonya laugh.

I keep counting, and since Chantel is quiet with most people, she doesn't say anything. Sui Wee is still pretty new and doesn't know that Nora is a pain-in-the-neck, so she answers.

"No read today. We want change," Sui Wee says. She and her parents just moved to the United States, and Sui Wee is still learning English.

Nora, Jasmine and Sonya laugh at her.

"I think you mean that you are not reading today because you want a change," Nora says like she knows everything.

Sui Wee blushes, and I can tell Chantel feels bad for her. I do too. I loose my concentration and miss a jump, and that is all Nora needs.

"You missed, Clarissa. Too bad you can't fly like your Dad. Did you guys know that Clarissa's Dad is a jailbird?" Nora says to Jasmine and Sonya.

Sui Wee and Chantel stop turning the jump rope. I don't think Sui Wee knows what the word means, and I don't think Chantel cares, but I am still mad at Nora for saying it.

"Yes, Clarissa's Dad was in jail," Nora says. "He's out now, but my Daddy says 'once a jailbird, always a jailbird'."

I want to say something, but I am having trouble thinking. In fact, I'm not thinking; I'm just feeling, and what I'm feeling is anger. I feel my anger like it's an actual thing that moves out of my stomach, into my throat, and thru my hands. I jump out of the rope and push Nora with all my strength. She falls backwards onto the grass. For what seems like a little while but must only be a second, nobody says anything, and then Nora starts to cry. Chantel takes two steps to stop me from doing anything else, but I have already stopped myself. Seeing Nora fall backwards makes me stop, and it is like whatever flew out of my stomach and into my hands somehow gets bottled up and put back inside me. I feel jittery and hot, but I don't want to hurt Nora again.

Nora screams and begins to run, and Jasmine and Sonya go after her. The teacher on recess duty tells us to go straight to the principal's office. Nora cries the whole way, and Jasmine and Sonya say it is my fault.

Mrs. Nigel isn't in her office when we arrive, so we sit on a hard bench to wait. We are all quiet now, except for Nora, who cries and asks Sonya to be sure there is no blood on the back of her head. There isn't.

When Mrs. Nigel finally arrives, she looks surprised to see me.

"Well let's try to resolve this, shall we?" Mrs. Nigel says and calls us into her office. Nora and Jasmine and Sonya speak first, and tell the story, except they leave out what Nora called my Dad.

"Of course it is never appropriate to push someone down, but I wonder what made Clarissa do that?" Mrs. Nigel says aloud and turns toward me.

I know I should speak, but I can't seem to get the words out of my mouth. I'm embarrassed and angry, angry with myself this time. Chantel speaks, and I am surprised, because she is quiet with everyone, especially grown-ups.

"Nora called Clarissa's father a jailbird, and I don't think it's true, but even if it is, what business is it of Nora's? And anyway, it would have nothing to do with Clarissa," Chantel says it all quickly, like the words fell out of her mouth before she had time to catch them. Just then, I feel happy she and Sui Wee are my friends.

"Is that correct? Did you use that word?" Mrs. Nigel asks Nora.

"It is true that Clarissa's Daddy is a jailbird. My Daddy told me," Nora says, and by now she has stopped crying.

Mrs. Nigel is quiet for a minute, and then she says, "I think Chantel's right: Whatever a parent does has nothing to do with his child. In any event, I'm afraid that you girls all have detention tomorrow, and Nora and Clarissa I'll see you again later. You may all go back to your classroom now."

I apologize to Chantel and Sui Wee for getting them in trouble. Sui Wee doesn't know what detention is, so Chantel explains it to her. She doesn't seem too upset, but I apologize again anyway.

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